I have never sought any counseling or therapy outside of my Bishop and close friends and family. I think that has been a mistake. 6 years is a long time to have everything bottled up.
I have been struggling lately with what I am self-diagnosing as anxiety. There have been so many changes in my life lately. We are hoping to close on our first house next month, we have a 3 month old new baby and I am hoping to quit my job for good in the next few months. Oh and my husband is a recovering sex addict who also has a record. There's that fun element of my life...
So I guess I am normal. Right?
Some things that make me anxious right now:
1. relapse
2. relapse
3. relapse
4. moving
5. meeting a whole new ward
6. dealing with any "consequences" of new said ward finding out our "secret"
7. trusting my husband financially. (I have worked our entire marriage and make more than he does)
8. raising a son and teaching him not to make the same mistakes as his dad
9. losing the baby weight while trying to breastfeed (I don't feel pretty or confident)
My question is how did you find the right therapist? I have really been thinking about seeing someone to deal with everything. I don't want to waste time and money on someone that is just going to tell me what I already know. I just feel like I have reached a plateau. But I know that things aren't where they need to be.
I still haven't had sex with my husband since the baby was born. I guess I just don't feel up to it. Problem is I want to feel up to it.
I feel like I have gotten really good at faking life. I don't want to fake things anymore. I want to be genuine. I am a genuine person. I just feel like I have a filter on all the time and I can't move past it.
Anyway..sorry for my ranting. Any advice would be appreciated.
M
Time, time time. It's the best answer ever and the worst answer ever.
ReplyDeleteI say give a therapist a try. Ask around, at group meetings or online. We don't know what we don't know, and seeing a therapist was a definite break-through for me. Helped me along a little further.
And as much as relapses suck- let go of that anxiety. Because come what may, you'll be okay.
(Ha, that's kinda catchy...)
Jane is right give it more time. But seeing a therapist is a great idea. finding one that deals with your type of situation is going to be a good bet I think. How are you going to deal with this with your new bishop? Just remember not every one needs to know, But secrecy is the devils tool. especially when it comes to church leaders like your bishop I might be good to put it out there up front.(to have someone in your corner from the start). As far as people finding out? It may happen, But you are strong. And most people are kind and loving. The ones who are not are like that no matter what your circumstances might be. ignore and take care of your little family. Good luck you do have allot going on. COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS will help you see the BIG picture. (you know I am telling you all of this because i need to hear it) (:
ReplyDeleteI agree with having patience. But it has been six long years. I am sure we'll open up to the Bishop. I am sure it is just nerves and some anxiety. Breathe in breathe out and repeat...
DeleteBreathing is good (:
DeleteIn my family's case, we couldn't afford therapy long term. Having said that, we made some really big strides from just a few sessions. We went once as a couple and then my husband went about 8 times or so. Most of all the therapist pointed us in the right direction and gave us tools to work with. She was instrumental in getting both of us to attend 12-step meetings. My recovery in 12-step has been amazing for me and for my husband. He's had a huge burden lifted because I'm getting help and support. Get the help you need for yourself. It will do everyone a world of good.
ReplyDeleteWe don't live in an area where LDS family services was an option so I searched for Therapists trained in Sexual addiction. Also make sure you find someone who is a good fit for you. Some therapist offer a free introductory session or phone interview. Try to meet with two or three and then move forward.
ok I just ran across this and thought of your post:
ReplyDeletehttp://ldshopeandrecovery.com/qualified-counseling/
M!!! You don't ever have to apologize for your ranting here. This is your space. Let it out! Tell it like it is! We are here for you, girlfriend.
ReplyDeleteYes, let it out!! I did and it felt good. And I understand how you feel. I faked for 32 years, trying to keep everyone happy, please everyone. In the mix, I forgot myself, lost my identity. It's a little late, but I'm working to find myself after so much pain. Hang in there. You're stronger than you think, and don't ever apologize for how you feel and what you express. You're awesome!
ReplyDeleteI am getting free counseling right now, but often Bishop can help with that as well. Sometime it's a matter of trial & error with counseling. I have sought counseling in the past and sometimes from the moment you meet them you know it will or won't work. However, this is a great resource if you are COMPLETELY honest.
ReplyDeleteAnd seriously, this is your place - so VENT away !