Lately

Yes I'm alive.  Life has just been crazy and busy and thankfully pretty uneventful on the home front.

I feel like I am stuck in a holding pattern.  I am not totally happy and I like to blame everything and everyone but myself.  I find joy in bits of my life but I am not happy overall.  I find joy in my children but honestly I am struggling to find joy in my marriage. 

My house is a mess, my work load is too heavy and the number on the scale is too high.

but

My children are beautiful and healthy, my family is moving forward, my friends are the best that there is.

I signed up for a 10K in October...we shall see how that goes.  I really think...no I know that I need to exercise more.  If I could lose 20 pounds and have all those running endorphins it would make a difference. 

then

I had a terrible nightmare the other night that sent me into a spiral downward.  Trust is such a fragile thing.  It really made me realize how delicate it is and just how far I really have to go in my journey towards fully trusting my husband.  At times I feel ok and then things trigger me that set me back.  I guess it is to be expected...

so

Enough of my pity party.  I am going to choose to be happy today.

I'll let you know how it goes...

M